Loyalty

就算全世界都背叛你

我也不会背叛你的

哪怕只是我一个人走到你身边

相信我、你可以靠着我

I’m very thankful for the people who’ve supported me these past four years in all aspects of my life. I feel so loved. To those who’ve been there for me, know that you have my loyalty. Even if I’ve been hurt by you, if we’ve shared a deep emotional connection, you have my back. I love you.

I Overcame a Fear

Thank you to all who came out to celebrate my birthday, and to all who wished well for me from afar. Thank you, universe, for presenting me, what is essentially, my perfect birthday, with a cherry on top. I used to find ways to escape during this time of the year, but I’m very happy to see how much I’ve progressed through celebrating my birthday with friends like this for once in my life. My soul feels so full. Thank you so much. 💕

Cracked Mirror

You are the reflection of the darkest side of myself.

You pulled me into the black holes that were your soulless eyes. The only thing I could do was float around in search of your soul until I was released from your grasp. What a journey of high highs and low lows it was with you.

Thank you for bringing out a side of me that I usually like to keep under control, and giving me a safe space to shamelessly indulge. Please, take care. Please, don’t further ruin yourself. Please. I hope my prayers and gratitude for you will at least nudge you towards a better, brighter year ahead.

When Gratitude Drains You

I am educated
but feel stupid

I have money
but feel poor

I am attractive
but feel ugly

I have strength
but feel weak

I am included
but feel lonely

I have hope
but feel stuck

I am loved
but feel disregarded

I have courage
but feel scared

I am blessed
but feel cursed

I have gratitude
but feel drained

All it takes is a trigger of any level of intensity for the build up of dormant pain to activate and explode. Today, I am thankful to myself for finally digging deep and truly recognizing these emotions I’ve been keeping myself from feeling. Although I can barely open my eyes today, I can still see the beauty of the rawness that I am today.

Baby, it doesn’t matter how much you’re

overcast by shadows or how

choppy your waves are

I can still see the light you shed in the

depths of you

First post of 2019. Five-minute poetry that flowed through my brain while overlooking the ocean on the pier. This goes out to all the souls I’ve touched. Thank you for inviting me in.

Lessons from 2017

1. Don’t be afraid to gamble your emotions. It’s okay to feel again.

2. Free yourself. Explore.

3. Love is the language of the soul. No matter what being, love is universal.

4. Embrace our unique roots. Remember them as we embark on new journeys.

5. The human body is a remarkable machine. Celebrate its victories and flaws.

6. Art is not dead. In fact, it’s thriving more than ever, especially in Los Angeles.

7. Community can be a strong force. Don’t forget the power of sharing our blessings.

8. Even fire and ice can be together harmoniously.

9. People are in our lives for a reason. Some are only here for a season.

10. Adult Halloween is underrated. Let loose once in a while!

11. No matter what situation we’re in, give more than take.

12. It’s the inside riches, not outside ones, that produce true happiness.

Thank you, 2017.

Disappointments.

Disappointments.

We all experience it on both sides. With 2017 coming to a close, I definitely had my share of disappointments this year. But through this process, I’ve learned that I believe in second chances. Sometimes, we make mistakes from blind judgment and narrow mindedness. Our reactions and takeaways differ depending on the severity of consequences. Looking back, my greatest spurts of growth all happened upon making mistakes, especially ones involving disappointment.

No matter what the outcome was, I thank all who have come and gone this year. I thank you all for affecting my life, for better or worse. I’ve learned a lot and shall continue moving forward. If we both believe in second chances, then perhaps our lives will intertwine in the future.

Unavailable.

Just like that, she retreats to her home realm
her figure in the ocean,
her spirit by the stars,
her remnants with the winds

I have expended much of myself without actively replenishing. My inner being is chaotically housing a frantic shell and crinkled soul. As much as I like to be with people, a time of solitude is necessary for me to develop some introspection and to fill myself back with self-love. So for now, I am unavailable.

It’s tough to remain positive and grateful in dark times, but thanks to the nature of this blog, I am forced to reflect on the good as well. Thanks for keeping me afloat, dear blog. Also, thanks, random photo grid of people in my camera roll, for helping me see my end goals and motivating me to push forward. Cheers to future simple words of gratitude.

Love,
Connie

Disparity.

Myself & Them

“Listen to us.
We know what is best for you.”
My soul sobs as my shell becomes
spellbound by the songs of Them.
Ugh… Forget about being heard,
I only want equilibrium for myself.

I was recently introduced to the dynamic and mesmerizing world of fine art, thanks to a new friend who is quite active within the Los Angeles art community. While supporting him at his solo art show at the Pacific Design Center in West Hollywood, I stumbled upon the art exhibit of Yu JinYoung, who’s sculptures represent the social disparities we are often exposed to throughout our lives. This series is called “Myself & Them.” The heavy feeling of responding to the outside world while taking care of our own inner world really resonated within me, as I questioned my life choices and potential trajectories, as well as my own influence throughout my social circle. Oh, the struggles of dealing with the words of others while treasuring the dreams of my inner being, and balancing life. Being human sure isn’t easy, but it’s a gift we must cherish and nurture to the best of our abilities.

Thanks,  Yu JinYoung, for welcoming me into your exhibition and allowing me to bond with your amazing pieces. Through my experience with your art, I am learning how to love myself in this world full of social disparities that continue to challenge my personal values. Also, a thank you to my new friend, for introducing me to his fascinating world. Cheers.

Growing Pains.

It is commonly said that getting started is the hardest part.

So we bit the bullet and dove in. What’s next? Is it smooth sail from here? Hell no. The hardest part is getting started, but that doesn’t mean that things become easy once we begin. What we experience next is resistance. We’ve made changes, we’re trying something new. We’re leaving our comfort zone. The feelings of discomfort and anxiety are our ways of resisting the new obstacles in our lives. It doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re hurting ourselves. It’s just us experiencing growing pains.

Remember this: “one dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon. every search begins with beginner’s luck. and every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested… The darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn.”

How fitting it was to have read a very relevant passage of The Alchemist when I had these thoughts. I hope that this is a reminder to everyone that we shouldn’t give up too soon. So thank you, The Alchemist, for helping me push through my obstacles, and for helping me articulate my thoughts!