Gift -2-

Summer orchestrated 
a whimsical musicale,
connecting our notes.

My two weeks between Vietnam and Taiwan continue to leave a strong impression on me. I feel so blessed to have this story in my life: an international summer travel romance with a plot that could easily be the foundation of a best-selling novel or the best upcoming romance film. This poem is my way of expressing our story.

I was fully aware of what I was getting myself into when this gift was presented to me, and I could have rejected it. Yet, even though I knew that I would need to go through another round of healing afterwards, I gave it my all. I am glad that I did so, and I have no regrets. Through this experience, I realized that I am strong in the way that I can be vulnerable and love more than I will ever get back. Despite this, I love anyway, because I feel joy when I love, and the love overpowers the pain. To me, love is worth it.

Thank you for the amazing adventures, Tuan. There are a million things I am thankful to you for, and you know already. You’re such an awesome person and an absolute sweetheart, I only wish you the best in life. Wherever you are and whatever you do, I will always be cheering for you. I love you.

With everything said, to whoever my next partner in crime is: if you accept me (and vice versa), then I will give you my all. You will receive my faithfulness and a love like no other. I (will) love you to the moon and back, looped infinitely. ❤

Gift -1-

From the bustling night crawl
You began as my shadow
We strolled the streets aimlessly
Until the veiled sun emerged

Time stood still as I
Looked at the murky river
And saw that beyond doubt, you
Had become my reflection

I’m reflecting back to the time I went to a pub crawl in Bui Vien Street, aka Backpackers Street, Saigon, almost a month ago.

When I came back to Saigon from my jungle and cave trekking expedition, I wasn’t ready to settle back down, so I went with my gut, booked a hostel, and joined Pub Crawl Saigon. For once, I felt like a tourist in Ho Chi Minh City.

A gift was bestowed upon me at the pub crawl. This poem tells the story of our first encounter. Oh, the beautiful memories of when we walked the streets of Saigon, viewed the (very anti-climatic) sunrise at Saigon River, and bonded throughout the course of the day.

The timing was just too unbelievable. Phong Nha has allowed me to test and extend my limits, build my confidence, and curate the self-love that I never truly had for myself. I came out of the experience with so much elation, and I knew that I had fully healed emotionally and taken a major step up in self-discovery. The itch to try new things continued flowing within me and pushed me to attend the pub crawl the night I came back to Saigon. It was as if meeting him symbolized me being awarded for my achievements.

So for those who are feeling lost, know that you can find your way if you put yourself out there and do what you need to do. It takes some trial and error, of course. We often focus too much on the destination that we forget about the journey, when it’s the journey that really shapes us. Therefore, be patient and persevere. Things will look up sooner or later.

Thank you, Vietnam and Tuan, for all of the amazing, life-changing experiences. Thank you so much for the wonderful memories, and for treating me so well!

Love is a Choice

textgram_1466135384It’s not that things didn’t work out
It was a choice
And a relationship
Takes two to tango

YOU GAVE UP
Leaving me in the dust
Disappointed.

Loving someone is a choice. Loving is action. I believe it’s absolute bullshit when you said that “things didn’t work out between us.” That was your excuse of saying that you gave up, didn’t want to go through the journey with me anymore. I was completely drained, yet I still continued to try my best to fight on for us. But, you? Say it for what it is, dude. YOU GAVE UP. And you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay it give up. It doesn’t make us failures. You were mature to know when to give up while I held on foolishly, determined to make it last. For that, I applaud you.

I firmly believe that the break up was for the best. I learned most of my lessons post separation, and I am committed to growth and change. I will not make the same mistakes that I made in my future relationships. Communication was our biggest weakness, and at least I can say that I am making improvements on that. I am trying to better myself. 

Today, I choose to love you from afar, in spirit, tucked away in a little nook within myself. I’ve already let go of us, and this scar that I have from our broken relationship is the love I will forever have for you.

Thank you for inspiring me once again, Marvin.

Letting Go

She held his hand one last time,

Gave him one last kiss

“This is me letting you go.”

Love has been freed.

Thank you, Bub, for letting me do what I needed to do to let you go.

It definitely felt weird to have spoken to you. All of a sudden, the last six months felt like ages ago. The air between us was unfamiliar. I understand. Oh the struggles I had. The overwhelming mix of emotions I felt when I did that.

I have closed that chapter of my life. I will not let the past hold myself back from moving forward. My experiences with you will inspire me time and time again to create. Please do not take these personally as they are for myself. I thank you for giving me a taste of love, and for the lessons I have learned from our love. Perhaps I will see you in my dreams occasionally. Distant memory. Dreams. Good bye, my first and purest love.

Bittersweet

Stumbled upon a set of photos and this video of us in an old USB flash drive… Bittersweet. This video was from 2012.

People say that we should never look back. But I believe that reflection plays a role in growth. So, thank you, Marvin, for the four amazing years together.

I (We) Take Shit.

I (We) Take Shit.

Love and its many faces.

The joys I felt when I gave, especially to you, Love. You asked, I gave. Even when you didn’t ask, I gave. No matter how I was feeling, my greatest joy was in giving to you, seeing you smile, and what a beautiful smile you had.

We’ve been separated for quite a while now, yet I’m understanding you more, and I dare say that I’m becoming more like you. A refreshing culture shock told me recently, “You take shit. I don’t take any shit. And I give A LOT of shit, and you take all my shit.” His words brought me back to the times when you took all my shit. And I gave you A LOT of shit. That’s when I realized how you felt every single time you absorbed my shit. That was one of the greatest ways that you loved me. If what you did was not love, then I don’t know what is…

Thank you, Marvin, for loving me the way you did, and for being my inspiration. I understand that there are many ways to love, but this is something that has stuck with me post separation. So once again, with utmost gratitude, thank you so much.

I also thank the refreshing culture shock for triggering this realization. Thanks, boo!