Unavailable.

Just like that, she retreats to her home realm
her figure in the ocean,
her spirit by the stars,
her remnants with the winds

I have expended much of myself without actively replenishing. My inner being is chaotically housing a frantic shell and crinkled soul. As much as I like to be with people, a time of solitude is necessary for me to develop some introspection and to fill myself back with self-love. So for now, I am unavailable.

It’s tough to remain positive and grateful in dark times, but thanks to the nature of this blog, I am forced to reflect on the good as well. Thanks for keeping me afloat, dear blog. Also, thanks, random photo grid of people in my camera roll, for helping me see my end goals and motivating me to push forward. Cheers to future simple words of gratitude.

Love,
Connie

Disparity.

Myself & Them

“Listen to us.
We know what is best for you.”
My soul sobs as my shell becomes
spellbound by the songs of Them.
Ugh… Forget about being heard,
I only want equilibrium for myself.

I was recently introduced to the dynamic and mesmerizing world of fine art, thanks to a new friend who is quite active within the Los Angeles art community. While supporting him at his solo art show at the Pacific Design Center in West Hollywood, I stumbled upon the art exhibit of Yu JinYoung, who’s sculptures represent the social disparities we are often exposed to throughout our lives. This series is called “Myself & Them.” The heavy feeling of responding to the outside world while taking care of our own inner world really resonated within me, as I questioned my life choices and potential trajectories, as well as my own influence throughout my social circle. Oh, the struggles of dealing with the words of others while treasuring the dreams of my inner being, and balancing life. Being human sure isn’t easy, but it’s a gift we must cherish and nurture to the best of our abilities.

Thanks,  Yu JinYoung, for welcoming me into your exhibition and allowing me to bond with your amazing pieces. Through my experience with your art, I am learning how to love myself in this world full of social disparities that continue to challenge my personal values. Also, a thank you to my new friend, for introducing me to his fascinating world. Cheers.

Water & Earth

Let me feed your soil
with the finest water
nourish your seeds, watch you
sprout past the sky’s limits
into the infinite
where our hearts may connect.

Prompted by some feelings that struck me hard one day, many different thoughts from different places in my life ultimately came together and collaborated to create the piece above. I can relate this to every aspect of my life [work, personal, etc.], and it [hopefully, subtly] expresses what I truly wish for.

Today, I thank Mother Nature, for the rain we’ve been receiving these past couple of days, for the oddly soothing sound of thunder, for the beautiful sunshine that momentarily emerged from behind the gray clouds, and for the rare sight of the sky colored in lovely pastel hues during sunset. Thank you, Mother Nature, for being a creative influence for this poem. Thank you for connecting the following thought: Water nurtures Earth, and Earth grounds water. Things aren’t always smooth as there are times of turmoil between Water and Earth (floods, hurricanes, etc.). But for the most part, they help each other, potentially forming a strong and complementary pair.

[Sending good vibes and love to everyone!]

Gift -2-

Summer orchestrated 
a whimsical musicale,
connecting our notes.

My two weeks between Vietnam and Taiwan continue to leave a strong impression on me. I feel so blessed to have this story in my life: an international summer travel romance with a plot that could easily be the foundation of a best-selling novel or the best upcoming romance film. This poem is my way of expressing our story.

I was fully aware of what I was getting myself into when this gift was presented to me, and I could have rejected it. Yet, even though I knew that I would need to go through another round of healing afterwards, I gave it my all. I am glad that I did so, and I have no regrets. Through this experience, I realized that I am strong in the way that I can be vulnerable and love more than I will ever get back. Despite this, I love anyway, because I feel joy when I love, and the love overpowers the pain. To me, love is worth it.

Thank you for the amazing adventures, Tuan. There are a million things I am thankful to you for, and you know already. You’re such an awesome person and an absolute sweetheart, I only wish you the best in life. Wherever you are and whatever you do, I will always be cheering for you. I love you.

With everything said, to whoever my next partner in crime is: if you accept me (and vice versa), then I will give you my all. You will receive my faithfulness and a love like no other. I (will) love you to the moon and back, looped infinitely. ❤

Gift -1-

From the bustling night crawl
You began as my shadow
We strolled the streets aimlessly
Until the veiled sun emerged

Time stood still as I
Looked at the murky river
And saw that beyond doubt, you
Had become my reflection

I’m reflecting back to the time I went to a pub crawl in Bui Vien Street, aka Backpackers Street, Saigon, almost a month ago.

When I came back to Saigon from my jungle and cave trekking expedition, I wasn’t ready to settle back down, so I went with my gut, booked a hostel, and joined Pub Crawl Saigon. For once, I felt like a tourist in Ho Chi Minh City.

A gift was bestowed upon me at the pub crawl. This poem tells the story of our first encounter. Oh, the beautiful memories of when we walked the streets of Saigon, viewed the (very anti-climatic) sunrise at Saigon River, and bonded throughout the course of the day.

The timing was just too unbelievable. Phong Nha has allowed me to test and extend my limits, build my confidence, and curate the self-love that I never truly had for myself. I came out of the experience with so much elation, and I knew that I had fully healed emotionally and taken a major step up in self-discovery. The itch to try new things continued flowing within me and pushed me to attend the pub crawl the night I came back to Saigon. It was as if meeting him symbolized me being awarded for my achievements.

So for those who are feeling lost, know that you can find your way if you put yourself out there and do what you need to do. It takes some trial and error, of course. We often focus too much on the destination that we forget about the journey, when it’s the journey that really shapes us. Therefore, be patient and persevere. Things will look up sooner or later.

Thank you, Vietnam and Tuan, for all of the amazing, life-changing experiences. Thank you so much for the wonderful memories, and for treating me so well!

Love is a Choice

textgram_1466135384It’s not that things didn’t work out
It was a choice
And a relationship
Takes two to tango

YOU GAVE UP
Leaving me in the dust
Disappointed.

Loving someone is a choice. Loving is action. I believe it’s absolute bullshit when you said that “things didn’t work out between us.” That was your excuse of saying that you gave up, didn’t want to go through the journey with me anymore. I was completely drained, yet I still continued to try my best to fight on for us. But, you? Say it for what it is, dude. YOU GAVE UP. And you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay it give up. It doesn’t make us failures. You were mature to know when to give up while I held on foolishly, determined to make it last. For that, I applaud you.

I firmly believe that the break up was for the best. I learned most of my lessons post separation, and I am committed to growth and change. I will not make the same mistakes that I made in my future relationships. Communication was our biggest weakness, and at least I can say that I am making improvements on that. I am trying to better myself. 

Today, I choose to love you from afar, in spirit, tucked away in a little nook within myself. I’ve already let go of us, and this scar that I have from our broken relationship is the love I will forever have for you.

Thank you for inspiring me once again, Marvin.

Letting Go

She held his hand one last time,

Gave him one last kiss

“This is me letting you go.”

Love has been freed.

Thank you, Bub, for letting me do what I needed to do to let you go.

It definitely felt weird to have spoken to you. All of a sudden, the last six months felt like ages ago. The air between us was unfamiliar. I understand. Oh the struggles I had. The overwhelming mix of emotions I felt when I did that.

I have closed that chapter of my life. I will not let the past hold myself back from moving forward. My experiences with you will inspire me time and time again to create. Please do not take these personally as they are for myself. I thank you for giving me a taste of love, and for the lessons I have learned from our love. Perhaps I will see you in my dreams occasionally. Distant memory. Dreams. Good bye, my first and purest love.

Coexistence

image
Drowning
In the dead winter
he overdosed on
smog
polluted his soul
destroyed.
He chooses darkness
sees tainted ugliness.
Yet, at the core, he has a brilliant soul.
It itches to shine, too petrified to
find freedom.

Healing
In the fresh spring
she was vitalized by the
sun
unclipped her wings
soared.
She chooses light
sees pure beauty.
She forbids the darkness within
from consuming her, peacefully
breathes positivity.

They pity each other.

To a dark one: Thank you for bringing me to reality a bit, and pointing out my ugly side. Through you, I was reminded that we all have light and darkness coexisting within ourselves. I’ve been so caught up in trying to be positive and a saint, that I didn’t see how my actions could have been more harmful than helpful. You have shown me how different human perspectives can be.

Thanks for inspiring me. I have learned from you, and I hope that you have learned a thing or two from me as well.

I see beauty in you. I feel sad for you. I care for you. Most importantly, though, I believe in you. Good luck, boo.