Coexistence

Colors of hope penetrated deep into my grayscale dream

I rose from my slumber and was greeted by this striking scene

Fantasy and reality had collided

And at some point during this time, I realized

That the mastery of coexistence between light and shadow

Is born from life’s highest highs and lowest lows

I’m a believer of balance. Equal force, equal opposite reaction. I practiced so much gratitude and positivism over the past few years, that my growth eventually stagnated because I neglected my shadow side this entire time. I became heavily unbalanced.

There were major events this year that forced my shadow side to emerge. 2019 was my most blissful and painful year yet. However, through the confrontation and exploration of my shadow side, the picture that I’ve painted of myself is now more detailed than ever. There’s a feeling of some inner peace with the acknowledgement that the light and darkness in me are learning to coexist with one another.

I’m grateful for all of the experiences that led me to this point, and for being able to finally face my shadow side. I’m learning to embrace this part of me, and shall proudly carry my new sense of self into this next defining decade. Thank you and cheers!

Unavailable.

Just like that, she retreats to her home realm
her figure in the ocean,
her spirit by the stars,
her remnants with the winds

I have expended much of myself without actively replenishing. My inner being is chaotically housing a frantic shell and crinkled soul. As much as I like to be with people, a time of solitude is necessary for me to develop some introspection and to fill myself back with self-love. So for now, I am unavailable.

It’s tough to remain positive and grateful in dark times, but thanks to the nature of this blog, I am forced to reflect on the good as well. Thanks for keeping me afloat, dear blog. Also, thanks, random photo grid of people in my camera roll, for helping me see my end goals and motivating me to push forward. Cheers to future simple words of gratitude.

Love,
Connie

Disparity.

Myself & Them

“Listen to us.
We know what is best for you.”
My soul sobs as my shell becomes
spellbound by the songs of Them.
Ugh… Forget about being heard,
I only want equilibrium for myself.

I was recently introduced to the dynamic and mesmerizing world of fine art, thanks to a new friend who is quite active within the Los Angeles art community. While supporting him at his solo art show at the Pacific Design Center in West Hollywood, I stumbled upon the art exhibit of Yu JinYoung, who’s sculptures represent the social disparities we are often exposed to throughout our lives. This series is called “Myself & Them.” The heavy feeling of responding to the outside world while taking care of our own inner world really resonated within me, as I questioned my life choices and potential trajectories, as well as my own influence throughout my social circle. Oh, the struggles of dealing with the words of others while treasuring the dreams of my inner being, and balancing life. Being human sure isn’t easy, but it’s a gift we must cherish and nurture to the best of our abilities.

Thanks,  Yu JinYoung, for welcoming me into your exhibition and allowing me to bond with your amazing pieces. Through my experience with your art, I am learning how to love myself in this world full of social disparities that continue to challenge my personal values. Also, a thank you to my new friend, for introducing me to his fascinating world. Cheers.

It’s All Perception

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” – Hamlet, Shakespeare

This is one of my favorite quotes of all time. Our world is so complex, partially because it is created by our unique perceptions of realities. The concept of “good versus bad” was a recurring theme in conversations I’ve had throughout this year so far, but at the end of the day, who gets to determine what is good or bad on our behalf except for ourselves?

Let us respect individualism. There is no right or wrong way of living our lives;  that is entirely up to us to perceive and control. The important thing is to live according to our personal values.

Let us pause and think for a moment before judging the server who has given us subpar service, or a person who is known for their promiscuous ways. Everyone has their own life stories. Let us utilize our thoughts to judge less, respect more. Recognize that even if someone is doing something we don’t necessarily agree with, it doesn’t mean that they’re doing something bad.

Today, I thank the people and interactions that have come and gone pertaining to this theme. These conversations have definitely challenged my way of thinking and life decisions. I hope to continue growing, and intend to hold this quote to heart when I hesitate with obstacles.

One last thing: I think I’m still a good girl.

 

Porteon (Shelter Tour)

Porter Robinson x Madeon’s Shelter Tour was absolutely phenomenal, and was the best live show I have seen so far. The entire experience – the audio, visuals, storytelling, crowd and atmosphere – was amazing and unforgettable. Thanks, Porteon, for the incredible show.

I’ve always been curious about the EDM scene, and I’m so happy that I’ve explored it this year. This was arguably t-h-e EDM concert for fans to see this year, and I’m so grateful to have witnessed the two geniuses band together and take us through such a deep and relatable journey throughout their set. By the end of my experience, I had so many thoughts running through my head. The following are my takeaways:

1. Friendship: As a wanderer since little, I have met many people throughout my life, but building close bonds was always a struggle for me. It wasn’t until this year, post break up, when I started paying closer attention to my social network. For many years, I felt very alone despite always having someone to talk to. It didn’t help that I secluded myself for the four years that I was in a relationship, entirely relying on my companionship with my ex to fill my social life gap. That was a huge mistake on my end. Today, I am happy to have some very close friends of my own who I love dearly. Porter and Madeon’s collaboration made me realize how beautiful and meaningful friendship is, and how blessed I am to have friends to celebrate friendship with.

2. Unity: Yes, there were plenty of people on their phones recording and snapping snippets of the event. Heck, someone even recorded the entire show! But, there was unity in the atmosphere stronger than any other event I’ve been to, and that made the show even more impressive. Even though we are all different and have different views, for these few hours we all spent together, we were all united by a common interest, united by this beautiful pit stop we all made in our lives. I didn’t know 99.9% of the people there, but for a moment during the event, I felt one with everyone’s energy. It was an ironically peaceful feeling.

3. Interest: “What are your interests and hobbies?” This was a big question that I was embarrassed to not know the answer to for many years. Today, I’m very excited to have my own set of interests and hobbies. I knew this was an interest when I pretty much knew all of the songs (titles, too) that were played during the concert. I was first introduced to EDM at one of Madeon’s shows back in January earlier this year. I did not know a single song and had no idea what was going on nor what to do during his set. Seeing Madeon again and knowing every single song this time made me realize the level of impact that EDM has made in my life. I’m actually quite proud of myself for this – having a musical preference, going to an event that I really wanted to attend, and being able to dance (and sing) to every song. Good job, Connie.

For those who have read to this point, let’s take a moment to be thankful for our social group. Let’s also thank the artists we love for their hard work, passion, and ability to link people together. Thanks, Porter Robinson and Madeon, for the beautiful journey. Thanks, dear friends, for being by my side. I’m so happy and grateful to have you all in my life, and hope for many years of friendship to come. I love you all! ❤

 

p.s. I usually like to keep my entries shorter… But, writing this has given me immense joy. Sending out good vibes~

Giving Thanks 

When having a blog about giving thanks, what better day to write an entry than on Thanksgiving?! 

I thank my past, for shaping me to be who I am today. I must say I didn’t always make the best decisions for myself. But then again, without those decisions, I wouldn’t be who I am today. 

I thank my present. I see my current situation and am content. I’m at a good position of growth and aim to live on with the growth mindset and making today the best day it can be, so it sets the tone for tomorrow. There are days that are tougher than others, but the challenges promote growth.

I thank my future. I trust that no matter what decisions I made in the past, and what decisions I make in the now, my future will be (at least) okay.

I thank the people (and pets) in my life, online and offline – loved ones, acquaintances, and strangers – all who came and went, and those who are still in my life now. Thank you for impacting my life. 

I thank me, for having a healthy body, mind, and soul. We’re all in this together, so let’s keep supporting each other through our hardships and accomplishments! 

Finally, I thank life. I thank life for giving me the identity I have, for giving me the home I have. I thank life for the beautiful places and nature. I thank life for allowing me to perceive everything the world has to offer. 

Happy Thanksgiving! Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday filled with love, happiness, blessings, and fun! Stay safe. I love you all! ❤️

Dive In.

Dive in first, then figure things out along the way. If we spend forever trying to figure things out first, and then dive after, then we would never know what today brings, and lose too much precious time. Many lessons are taught through experience, so dive in. 

The words “dive in” was the message that summarized the two weeks of my life where my dad went to Vietnam. During that time, I ran around like a headless chicken, absorbing my dad’s work responsibilities and taking some of mine back from him while he left for Vietnam. All of a sudden, I was bombarded with a bottomless list of tasks. But I didn’t resist. In fact, I asked for this, and while I have felt fatigue at some point, I’m very happy because I learned so much in such a short period of time. I’m glad that I dove into my dad’s life as a small business owner.

It takes some motivation and bravery to dive in. Taking chances and change definitely comes with some anxiousness, so I’m proud of everyone who tries. No matter how big or how little, I encourage all to try someone new.

Thank you, Dad, for finally going on vacation and trusting me. [Thank you, guest speaker, for your motivational words and life stories.] Let’s dive in, everyone!

Water & Earth

Let me feed your soil
with the finest water
nourish your seeds, watch you
sprout past the sky’s limits
into the infinite
where our hearts may connect.

Prompted by some feelings that struck me hard one day, many different thoughts from different places in my life ultimately came together and collaborated to create the piece above. I can relate this to every aspect of my life [work, personal, etc.], and it [hopefully, subtly] expresses what I truly wish for.

Today, I thank Mother Nature, for the rain we’ve been receiving these past couple of days, for the oddly soothing sound of thunder, for the beautiful sunshine that momentarily emerged from behind the gray clouds, and for the rare sight of the sky colored in lovely pastel hues during sunset. Thank you, Mother Nature, for being a creative influence for this poem. Thank you for connecting the following thought: Water nurtures Earth, and Earth grounds water. Things aren’t always smooth as there are times of turmoil between Water and Earth (floods, hurricanes, etc.). But for the most part, they help each other, potentially forming a strong and complementary pair.

[Sending good vibes and love to everyone!]

How Do You “Unlove” Someone?

You don’t.

Don’t resist. Don’t force.
Simply wish them love and peace
Even from afar.

The way I’m interpreting this question is: How do I stop loving someone because they are no longer in my life and I need to move on? The piece above is my response.

I believe love takes on many different facets of emotions and actions, and its shape is individually unique in every relationship. Love is fluid, its dynamics can shift, and it isn’t mutually exclusive with anything. We can continue to love those from our past without hurting ourselves by wishing them love, backed by the acknowledgement that we are better off and happier without them. Therefore, I don’t believe in “unloving” someone.

Thanks, dear friend, for asking me this interesting question and for reminding me how far I’ve come. I hope my answer is helpful and brings in some new perspective to you. It is possible to move on while loving people of our past. With that said, you’ll get out of the rut you’re stuck in. You’ll be fine.

Teaching Takeaway

Teaching Takeaway

I volunteered to teach English in Taiwan for three weeks. This was one of the best experiences that I’ve had in my life. Even though my role was teaching, I’ve learned so much through this opportunity.

The biggest lesson/reminder: find joy in the little things. My 7th and 8th graders had fun with pretty much anything (pencils, rubber bands, rulers, mini toy figurines, etc.) and it was amazing how easily amused and energetic they were. I believe we all have the inner child in us. But, as we mature, we absorb a lot of external pressure from our upbringings, societal norms, and social media, to the point where many of us become so conscious of what other people think that we eventually let others dictate our lives. These kids? Didn’t give a fuck. And that is awesome.

Let us remember the times when we were young and curious. Let us grow without shutting off our inner child.

Thank you, my dear students, for showing me authenticity, innocence, curiosity, and simple happiness. You may not know it, but I have learned so much from you guys, despite being the “teacher” in our classroom. All the best to you in your future! ❤