Coexistence

Colors of hope penetrated deep into my grayscale dream

I rose from my slumber and was greeted by this striking scene

Fantasy and reality had collided

And at some point during this time, I realized

That the mastery of coexistence between light and shadow

Is born from life’s highest highs and lowest lows

I’m a believer of balance. Equal force, equal opposite reaction. I practiced so much gratitude and positivism over the past few years, that my growth eventually stagnated because I neglected my shadow side this entire time. I became heavily unbalanced.

There were major events this year that forced my shadow side to emerge. 2019 was my most blissful and painful year yet. However, through the confrontation and exploration of my shadow side, the picture that I’ve painted of myself is now more detailed than ever. There’s a feeling of some inner peace with the acknowledgement that the light and darkness in me are learning to coexist with one another.

I’m grateful for all of the experiences that led me to this point, and for being able to finally face my shadow side. I’m learning to embrace this part of me, and shall proudly carry my new sense of self into this next defining decade. Thank you and cheers!

Cracked Mirror

You are the reflection of the darkest side of myself.

You pulled me into the black holes that were your soulless eyes. The only thing I could do was float around in search of your soul until I was released from your grasp. What a journey of high highs and low lows it was with you.

Thank you for bringing out a side of me that I usually like to keep under control, and giving me a safe space to shamelessly indulge. Please, take care. Please, don’t further ruin yourself. Please. I hope my prayers and gratitude for you will at least nudge you towards a better, brighter year ahead.

Unavailable.

Just like that, she retreats to her home realm
her figure in the ocean,
her spirit by the stars,
her remnants with the winds

I have expended much of myself without actively replenishing. My inner being is chaotically housing a frantic shell and crinkled soul. As much as I like to be with people, a time of solitude is necessary for me to develop some introspection and to fill myself back with self-love. So for now, I am unavailable.

It’s tough to remain positive and grateful in dark times, but thanks to the nature of this blog, I am forced to reflect on the good as well. Thanks for keeping me afloat, dear blog. Also, thanks, random photo grid of people in my camera roll, for helping me see my end goals and motivating me to push forward. Cheers to future simple words of gratitude.

Love,
Connie

How Do You “Unlove” Someone?

You don’t.

Don’t resist. Don’t force.
Simply wish them love and peace
Even from afar.

The way I’m interpreting this question is: How do I stop loving someone because they are no longer in my life and I need to move on? The piece above is my response.

I believe love takes on many different facets of emotions and actions, and its shape is individually unique in every relationship. Love is fluid, its dynamics can shift, and it isn’t mutually exclusive with anything. We can continue to love those from our past without hurting ourselves by wishing them love, backed by the acknowledgement that we are better off and happier without them. Therefore, I don’t believe in “unloving” someone.

Thanks, dear friend, for asking me this interesting question and for reminding me how far I’ve come. I hope my answer is helpful and brings in some new perspective to you. It is possible to move on while loving people of our past. With that said, you’ll get out of the rut you’re stuck in. You’ll be fine.

Fullest Moon.

Once a year, the fullest Moon illuminates the Earth with her greatest intensity, disabling our ability to conceal ourselves in the darkness of night. When we peek through our fears and hidden selves, we realize that the Moon is not endangering us. Instead, her soft glow reminds us that we are human beings, imperfectly perfect in our own quirky ways. She tells us that it is okay to feel lost and to let go of ourselves once in a while. She reassures us with her brightest, warmest embrace that everything will be okay. 

Mid-Autumn Festival (中秋節) is a Chinese/Vietnamese holiday that occurs on the fullest moon of every year. This year’s view reminded me of the night sky I saw when I camped in the jungles of Phong Nha Ke Bang, Vietnam. The sky was a gorgeous deep blue, the moon had a crisp, snow white brilliance, and the contrast between the two hues was breathtaking. The moon was so bright that, to my amazement, few stars were visible. I saw a similar night scene in my light-polluted hometown.

That night, I dreamed about someone I bonded with a while back. Perhaps he appeared because I thought about my adventures in Vietnam, where we met. Hearing his voice so clearly and accurately in my dream really surprised me  because I had already forgotten his voice in real life. I woke up feeling a bit fearful, invaded, defeated, and lonely. I missed him so much that day. It was as if the Moon told me, “Here, let me show you your true feelings so you can face them, and I’m telling you now that everything will be okay.”

Everything is okay, Moon. Thanks for having me dive into my deepest feelings. Through this interesting (and slightly painful) experience, I was reminded that it’s important to pause occasionally and check up on ourselves. I was keeping myself so occupied with other aspects in life that I failed to pay attention to my overall well-being. Now that I’ve given myself a chance to practice some self-care, I feel a lot better. So thank you again, Moon.

Coexistence

image
Drowning
In the dead winter
he overdosed on
smog
polluted his soul
destroyed.
He chooses darkness
sees tainted ugliness.
Yet, at the core, he has a brilliant soul.
It itches to shine, too petrified to
find freedom.

Healing
In the fresh spring
she was vitalized by the
sun
unclipped her wings
soared.
She chooses light
sees pure beauty.
She forbids the darkness within
from consuming her, peacefully
breathes positivity.

They pity each other.

To a dark one: Thank you for bringing me to reality a bit, and pointing out my ugly side. Through you, I was reminded that we all have light and darkness coexisting within ourselves. I’ve been so caught up in trying to be positive and a saint, that I didn’t see how my actions could have been more harmful than helpful. You have shown me how different human perspectives can be.

Thanks for inspiring me. I have learned from you, and I hope that you have learned a thing or two from me as well.

I see beauty in you. I feel sad for you. I care for you. Most importantly, though, I believe in you. Good luck, boo.

Sweetness.

I used to have to order all drinks extra sweet. I instantaneously lost that sweet tooth a few months ago, thinking that losing that sweet tooth symbolized that I had lost the “sweetness” in my life. Even the barely-sweet goods were too sweet for me.

Today, I drank a small portion of pink lemonade, which led me to look back at this odd little sequence in life. Perhaps I didn’t lose the sweetness in my life, it was merely me not seeing how unhealthy I was in mind, body, soul, and spirit. I sought for more and more sweets, yet my cravings remained unsatisfied. I relied on external pleasures (overworking, fattening foods, other people) to make up for what I lacked internally to make myself “happy.”

That was me before. Things are different now. 🙂

Thanks, pink lemonade, for helping me see that I am my own sweetness; and who I am and what I have today is enough.